I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
