I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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