The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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