I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
