I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize