That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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