Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
