Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
