Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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