How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
