i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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