im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize