Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
