last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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