like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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