i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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