Don't you send me to vm
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
