i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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