My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
im six kinds of drunk right now
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
