but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
