Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
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