You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The power of my boobs compel you
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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