We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
