idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
