He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
