he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
