Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize