Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
