i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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