so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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