not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
