I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
