i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
