1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
