My friends, they love my intelligence
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
