Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
