what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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