You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
