you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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