Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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