38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
