Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
