Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
