if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
