I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
