i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
