By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
