What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
