i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
