He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
