i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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