i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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