cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
