Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I have already put on my inside pants.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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