If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize