Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
