Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
