What did we do last night that was yellow?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
