he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
