My pussy is not your playground.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
