and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
