she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
