Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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