Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
