I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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