Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
