hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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