Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
ttyl tear gas
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
