Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
