Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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