Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
