He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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