Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
