when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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