I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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