I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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