You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
