Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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