did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
