The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize