Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
