if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
