she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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