Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize